Being Chronically ILL

If you are joining me for the very first time I would like to say ~Welcome to R3llie’s Newsletter! Here’s where I share my thoughts + updates about life as an Autistic musical artist. + If you’ve been following me for a while now, welcome back!

Most of my content thus far has been about how Autism effects both my personal and professional life. But for this month’s new’s letter I’m going to add another element: chronic illness. Why? Because within the last month or so I have finally realized just how crappy I usually feel.

And similar to getting a late-Autism diagnosis, being diagnosed with HEDS + POTS has put my whole life in perspective. Not only have I gone my whole life without understanding how my brain works; I haven’t understood how my body works either = I’m a traumatized hypermobile who’s autonomic nervous system doesn’t work properly.

& That perspective (for the most part) has been great! Why? Because I’m getting the help I need. It’s amazing what happens when you find the right doctors. Doctors who understand what it’s like to live somewhere between well-being & death ~every single day. I’ve even been able to laugh a bit more (laughed so hard to myself when I saw the BULGING health section of my filling organizer). And for the first time ~I feel semi-capable of sifting through all of the bullshit.

With that being said, the ONLY reason why I have survived this month is because it’s been another month of re-adjusting the expectations that I usually place upon myself. & This month, I think it finally hit me: I can’t keep going on like I have before. There will have to be some major changes if I am to continue on. “Major” of course being relative (what’s major for me might seem incredibly small to someone else).

It’s hard being patient with yourself when you are a chronically ill NeuroDivergent. Because most days all I want to do is work on my music. But lately ~more days than not, my body hasn’t allowed me to. That’s when I know rest is the only option.