"Tapping In" To The Autistic Mind

It’s the end of September & I’ve just realized that I’m not going to meet all of my goals for this month. + I need to “shift gears”.

I find it really funny how I have to change plans because of my Autism but my brain doesn’t want to because of my Autism. & That’s what Autism does, it spins your whole world upside down. Sometimes for the worse & sometimes for the better, but never in between.

With that being said, I am learning that’s also ok. I’m learning that if I keep true to myself; keep following my instincts ~things just might work out. What’s a few more weeks anyway right? Especially when you’ve spent most of your life not understanding how to “tap in” to your brain’s potencial. Makes me wonder where I would be today if my brain had been allowed to run wild.

I still can’t believe that I spent 30 + years without understanding my own mind. The result being; I developed different kinds of masks ~one for every occasion. One of them being the “multitasker mask”. It’s the mask I put on in order to force myself to do multiple things at once (something that has always been difficult).

When I hear people say, “you’re good at a lot of things” I cringe inside. Because to me it’s not a compliment. Why? Being well rounded wasn’t exactly my choice. It’s something I’ve had to be, for survival. & If I had really understood my unique ability to deep dive into one subject; I don’t think I would be “good at a lot of things”.

& Sometimes I still catch myself in that mode again: gotta learn something new so I can survive. But lately, I’m learning that I don’t have to learn something new if I don’t want to. I can come back to my familiar thing or my “special interest”. I guess what I’m trying to say is: whatever I do next… will most likely be improving something I’ve done before.