Whenever I can't
Lately I’ve realized most things people find easy, often feel impossible to me.
& Lately I’ve realized whenever I can’t do something that’s supposed to be “easy” ~I go through a number of different emotional stages. The first stage being frustration/confusion, the next being self loathing/hate, & then finally understanding/compassion.
As an undiagnosed autistic, I used to get stuck in the frustration & confusion part whenever I couldn’t do something. But now, whenever I am faced with failure ~I don’t get stuck as long. Why? Because the hardship reminds me that my brain works differently & that I may just need an accommodation to help reach my goal.
I am then able to regroup and try-try again.
Example: This month I signed up for Doordash. It’s something that I’ve been wanting to try for a while but hadn’t worked up the nerve to do until now. Why? Because learning something new can be especially tricky for my brain.
I had heard of other artists doing this as an “easy” way to make some extra cash. So, I thought I would give it a shot! But for me, learning how to Doordash has been a long and arduous process; with multiple failed attempts (Autistic meltdowns).
At first I thought I could just plan my way around the hard stuff. So, I went through each & every possible mishap in my head & worked my way out of it. & As much as that really did help; one day I realized:
I knew I was going to pick up food from a restaurant, but which one? The uncertainty was just too much for my brain to cope with.
Then I thought, “maybe if I run an errand to a familiar place first, the transition to an unknown place would be easier”. Wrong again!
Finally the third & final attempt was asking my fiance to ride with me on my first Doordash route. Having my “familiar person” helped to cancel out the uncertainty of the endless void that was the unfamiliar place; which finally worked!
This happening is proof: When I can’t do something, there may be a different way to achieve my goal that is not “typical” & that’s ok!